Catman! Save me!

What seems to be the problem, oh damsel in distress?

I'm not a damsel, dumbass. I'm a guy.

Right. Now what seems to be the problem?

Oh Catman, I have been kidnapped!

Do not fear! Where exactly are you?

Baghdad.

Too late.

WTF? You're supposed to be a goddamn superhero.

Well yeah, but all the flights to Baghdad are full. Next!!

Catman, I have a wife and five kids, no job and no money.

Well, you should get some then.

Oh really? You're a genius!

Problem solved!!

No wai-

NEXT!!

Hey Catman, you have psychic abilities right?

Why yes, yes I do.

Well yesterday I met a man in the supermarket and he was dashing!! He was so cute!!

Cuter than me? Do not worry. Consider him beaten up.

NO!!

Murdered.

NO!!

Fucked.

NO!! STOP!! The problem is, I can't remember his name!! Can you use your inner eye to tell me his name?

Hmmm.. Is it James?

No.

Is it Matt?

No.

Is it Jeremy?

No.

Is it Bryan?

No.

Is it Jackie Chan?

He's not Chinese!

Hmmm.. Now this is a tough one. Is it Sir Eskabanoronobishikalimashiskhabob?

. . . What?

Sorry, that was the name of a guy I met in Aregentina.

Look, can you help me or not?

Sure, just 8387238409 names to go!

DO YOU HAVE PSYCHIC POWERS OR NOT?!!

Ask me later. Is the name Bob?

Maybe, I dont-

Wait, you said maybe.

It's not a sure answer!!

That's good enough for me!! NEXT!!

I hope this demonstration of Catman's great abilities satisfies you. Got any problems just email imtopcat@gmail.com.

Meow.

Now forward this to all and help Catman on his path to world domination! ^___^

This guy here, is a REAL Master of ceremonies. He has it all - beat, wordplay, consistency. He is a seriously underrated rapper and do not overlook him, he is one of the best rappers I've listened to. His songs are totally inspiring and he has contributed a lot to the genre over the years with his seven killer albums, and well probably is a good reason for the rise of soul-rap.

The Wu-Tang Clan! They shouldn't be here in this list, but there's a reason. They were once legends. Now they're well..Dead. Not literally but nobody knows who the Wu-Banga's are. The most noted rapper in the pack is undoubtedly the one and only Ghostface Killah, and the others: RZA, GZA, Method Man, Raekwon, Inspectah Deck, U-God, Masta Killa, Cappadonna. They were the kings in the Golden Era of rap back in 1990s, but now their legacy is dead. However, you gotta give em a shot.

2012..

Arrite, now let's talk about 2012. Yeah, big budget movie, directed by Roland Emmerich, the King of Disaster movies and casting John Cusack. Now I won't say the movie is an overhyped pile of bull-crap, it's got mind-blowing, bottle-poppin special effects that'll blow your head off. That's the awesome part about the movie. The other boring part is the easily predictable storyline. As the name suggests, the world has an expiry date and it lasts till 2012, and we all know everyone tries to make it through safely and as usual the protagonist survives at the end. Why couldn't it have been a little different? Take Knowing for instance, good start, bad finish but it made perfect sense. The world is going to end, every soul on earth is a goner except the kid who goes on holiday with the celestial beings. 2012 is a movie which has all sorts of disasters - earthquakes, volcanoes and tsunamis, and well - it's like the makers don't care about anything but the effects and the effort was not wasted.. As in any other disaster film, the protagonist Jack Curtis tries to ride smooth with his wife, while the world around him is falling apart. Only thing different here is that the President isn't an old arrogant gas-bag and he's all noble and "good" and is willing to die with his folk. Overall, the movie is all "Bang", "Boom", "Pow"s , a few smooches and more "Bang"s, funny part is that the heroes escape from each disaster without a scratch. Are you kidding me? Basically, the makers want to show off the special effects, they have a small story - 2012, and they magically add a earthquake here, and oh, a tsunami there whenever they're bored, with ease. But the special effects are enough to blow your head off.

So 2012, made it through with it's special effects. Upcoming disaster movies will have to do something different to save the genre. Come on, people!! It's already half-dead!!

First we have the yellow card. (I know, they're ripping off football) You get a yellow card if you dont do your homework thrice in a row, come late to school trice, play with chalk, disturb somebody, litter in the classroom, not coming in proper uniform thrice, having long hair, not bringing your hand book, not tucking in your shirt, being "unruly", misbehaving, not submitting your notebooks on time and the list goes on and on and on.

Next we have the pink card. Get three yellow cards and you get a pink card. People are eligible to get a pink card if they bring cellphones to school, show disrespect to teachers, come to school in two-wheelers, deface school property (bastards dont understand that graffiti is an ART!!), beating up people, stealing etc.

The final card is the red card. Get a red card and you're out of the school. For good. Genius? Crazy? You decide!! This system is driving me NUTS!! Nuts, I tell ya, NUTS!! I mean what would the poor gangstars do? :P They're treating us like kindergarten kids, and this "card system" is supposed to scare us. Well its quite the opposite. People who recieve a card are hailed heroes and they take much more pride in getting one of these gay cards than a hard won certificate!! So the card system is backfiring at the school and noone cares about it and gangstars carry on their usual business of beating up wimps :) Goddamn school XD

See how embarrassing that is? It's best they just stick to their age group online. They want to learn the chat language, that's fine. But they don't know how awkward they're making themselves look using "LOL" and "ROFL" at the age of forty!

Last week I came across an article in The Hindu titled, How To Use The Teen Lingo.

As soon as I saw the title I was like "WTF!!" This is ridiculous!! I mean .. Come ON!!

I read the article, half-annoyed and half-disgusted. Apparently, everybody uses "LOL" to show that they're kool (apparently you're cool if you replace the "C"s with "K"s), and the only adjective we use is "bling" (Who the hell told you that? O_o), and we refer to all guys as "dudes" and girls as "babes".

The last line of the paragraph is supposed to be an example of how you talk online. Standing JOKE!! Let me recite it one more time before laughing my arse off.

*Evil laugh* Dont worry, wannabe-youngsters! You are never gonna get younger! The wrinkles on your face and the fungus between yer toes will haunt you for the rest of yer life! Muhahaha! Just kidding. Ahem. That's it for now, until next time, this is Azeron signin off.

Correct me if I am wrong, and a blind jackass.